Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

I'm loving this book! Power struggles are alive and well in our home and I've been desperate for new information. This book has been wonderful and I'm only on page 38! So here are a few quotes that have helped me reframe how I view power struggles.

• "...going below the surface of a power struggle can take you to a new place, a place where parents and kids are working together and power struggles are few and far between. Below the surface, you'll discover that power struggles are about feelings and needs-yours and your child's.
• "Recognizing those emotions is the key to stopping power struggles before they start. Responding to those emotions builds the relationship that makes your child want to work with you."
• "Every power struggle offers you the opportunity to connect with your child or to disconnect. The relationship you will have with your child when he's an adolescent lies in the words and actions you use today. Ultimately your real power is in the emotional bond."
• "The style of discipline is called "emotion coaching." By going under the surface of power struggles, you can help your child identify the feelings or needs that are fueling the behavior and teach her suitable responses."
• "Emotion coaching doesn't imply that you always say yes. It doesn't mean you constantly negotiate. It doesn't mean you give him free reign on his emotions. You don't. Emotions are never an excuse for hurtful or disrespectful behavior. It means that you will listen, trying your best to undertand your child's point of view, label his emotions for him, enforce clear standards for behavior, and teach him what he can do to express them respectfully. As a result, your child will learn that he can trust you and be open to your guidance, leading ultimately to his own sense of self-control."

So I love the theory behind this and the book goes onto give specific examples of how to do these things, which is what I need! I'm sure I'll be posting more quotes as I get more into it. Just simply telling myself that every power struggle is an opportunity to connect or disconnect has helped me gain perspective when dealing with transition times at my house! One example the book gave for helping a little one go to bed smoother in the book was taking your child around the house and having them say good night to everything....the toys, the plant, the teddy bears! More to come on this topic!